Eleven

If anyone is reading this, I apologize. I have been lax in my duties for way too long.

A very unhelpful IT professional at my firm commented on my interesting reading habits one day when I have having some computer issues.

It kinda freaked me out.

Not that that is a legitimate excuse, but I decided to cut back on my blog reading/writing at work. And I spend a lot of time at work.

I will be back soon though.

In the meantime, turn it up.

No seriously, TURN IT UP!

Hope you are all well :)

Ten

Today's post is brought to you by the word 'random.' As in, I have a random question for all you infidels out there.

Do you wear your wedding bands? All the time? Only when its convenient?

Many of you post pictures for HNT or just to drive the rest of us crazy with desire. But I have noticed that in many of the photos, the poster is not wearing their ring.

Is this symbolic? Ironic? Intentional? Subconscious?

Nine

After much delay, I am ready to resume my planning. My return to the wild is looming and there is no time to waste!

Prior posts have explored the size of the eligible 'population' and listed my wanted and needed and desired characteristics in a partner. This post I am going to briefly elucidate my views on locations to meet said loose moral-ed, hot-to-trot women.

My general philosophy is to seek social interactions in places that I actually spend time (perhaps not geographically proximate, but ideologically). This is both convenient and efficient, and I already have something in common with the targets women there. It also creates the perfect opportunity for me to use my best 'do you come here often?' pick-up line.

So where have I had luck?

The first place (although these are not in any particular order) I enjoy prowling is the gym. I know, I know. The gym is obvious and not at all creative, but there are good looking women there who take care of themselves. In the past it has also been good for me because my schedule is extremely flexible and I can go during the day. There is no better time and place to find hot stay-at-home wives.

In that same vein, perhaps my favorite place to casually meet and flirt with women is in the grocery store. Like it or not, traditional gender roles are alive and well (except in my house!), and that means stores are full of ladies.

Any grocery store will do, but I find that the best looking women tend to shop at a certain high-end grocery chain that shall remain nameless but rhymes with Bowl Dudes. I have my theories on why this is the case, but really, who cares? That place is full of gorgeous women of all ages!

The last category of place that I enjoy searching are coffee shops. They are social, they are fun, and they are always full. I can grab my book and/or laptop and sit there all day. In fact, I am in one right now!

As with grocery stores, any shop will do. However, I prefer that one big world-wide succubus of a chain. They caffeinate the masses people. Ever heard of the law of large numbers?

So those are my favorite places. Husbands, keep an eye your wives ;)

Any views from the audience (any audience?)? Where have you ladies and fellas had luck?

Next time: approach and flirting techniques!

Eight

In lieu of a real post, here is an artsy picture!

I have been very busy with work and life lately, but I promise to get back to blogging soon!

Seven

Pic Redacted!

I love lycra. It is form fitting and quick drying and generally awesome.

Six

So we have a number. Women willing to have an extra-marital relationship with me most likely exist. But I think we can all agree that not all lovers are created equal. My personal preferences are as idiosyncratic to me as yours are to you dear reader.

So what do I want? Let the cliches begin!

My non-negotiables, in no particular order, are:

- A woman
- Married
- Not looking for someone to 'save' her
- Friendly
- Outgoing
- Fun
- Cute
- Sane
- Some free time
- A BMI less than or equal to my own
- A four-year college degree
- Financial means of her own
- The ability to have an informed discussion centered around current events
- The desire to have an exclusive affair

I would like, but don't require:

- A graduate degree
- The ability and desire to complete a 5k foot race (in 30 minutes or less?)
- Confidence
- Self-awareness
- At least a passing interest in sports
- Well read
- A willingness to correct, or at least forgive, my horrible spelling and grammar

Nothing too crazy I suppose. In fairness, there are also some things she needs to be aware of when it comes to me:

- I work a lot and it requires regular travel
- I am not a J.Crew model; just a normal guy
- I have never and will never have a tan
- I am not looking to fall in love
- My wife comes first because I love her and she is awesome
- Sexual exploration and friendship are what I crave

I'm not sure what all of these demands does to my previous estimate of available ladies, but it is probably safe to assume it reduces it significantly.

Is there anything else you more experienced folks would recommend I add to any of the above lists?

Five

Its time to find a new lover.

I think its best to approach this task in the same way I approach most things...academically. Lets start with some market sizing shall we?

There are roughly 5.2 million residents of the city where I live.

For the purpose of my analysis I will assume that the gender split is 50/50, the life expectancy of the average woman is 80 years, and that the age distribution is uniform across ten year intervals from 1 to the expected 80 years of age (that is, the number of women age 11-20 is the same as the number of women age 71-80).

For obvious reasons I will further restrict myself to women age 21-50.

So the rough number of women in my city that fall into the desireable age range is:

(5,200,000) x (1/2) x (3/8) = 975,000

Well that is encouraging!

However, this is where it gets tough. First I need to estimate the number of those women who are married, because I prefer married partners. Per a 2006 NY Times article, 49.7% of all American households were comprised of married couples (both with and without children). While not a perfect statistic since it is somewhat dated and describes households, it is the best estimate I can find. Since the article alludes to a downward trend, lets call it 49% and say it represents the chances that any given woman (of age) is married. Therefore:

(975,000) x (49%) = 477,750

But how many of these woman share my loose morals? Even tougher.

I need to consider a great number of variables when trying to estimate a proportion. First, the research seems to consistently find that men are more likely to cheat than women. Seems intuitive. Second, there also seems to be some evidence that younger generations, for example those currently under 30 years of age, are more prone to infidelity. The socio-cultural implications of this research are interesting enough to have their own post. Someday. And third, meta-analysis of the extant research places the incidence of infidelity between 30% and 60% over the course of a marriage. That is a very wide range.

I am going to take some statistical liberty, as well as a conservative view, and say that 20% of women are capable/interested/willing to cheat.

Why so low you may ask? Haven't we just seen evidence to suggest higher?

I think there are a number of qualitative factors, such as lack of time and opportunity, that drive the number lower. In fact I think the 20% is quite generous. Here is where we are:

(477,750) x (20%) = 95,550

That is still a pretty big number, but I think a reasonable estimate.

Lets break it down a little more just to make it more digestible. If I assume that the metropolitan area in which I live is roughly 8,000 square miles, then:

(95,550) / (8,000) = 11.94 (lets call it 12)

There are (very) roughly 12 married women between 21 years of age and 50 years of age, that are amenable to cheating on their significant others, per square mile in my city.

Great!

In future posts I will explore desirable characteristics, hunting grounds (if you will), approach techniques, etc.

I know I am a nerd. But its good to have a plan.

Four

Man its hot today. This got me up my last hill:

I also find this motivating:

Three

I got back to my hotel, washed away the day with a quick shower and then picked up my phone. I had about 20 emails from my client and one voice message.

The message was from Sam. She finished work early (slow night!) and wanted to see if we could grab our drink that evening.

Always wanting to be the accommodating type I got dressed and called her back.

And exactly what you thought would happen happened.

I will spare you all of the horny details though. There was moaning and sighing, coming and resting and repeating. The usual.

I will say though, Sam had killer breasts. I am a boob guy for sure and she did not disappoint. Perky, with just the right amount of bounce. Boobs don't have to be big to be beautiful, they just need to compliment the woman. If that makes sense.

Sam ended up staying the night in my hotel. We grabbed coffee in the morning and then I was off to meetings.

That evening when I got back to my room I found Sam's panties neatly folded on my bed. Apparently she left them (a gift? I refuse to believe women can 'forget' their underwear) and housekeeping was kind enough to leave them where I would be sure to find them.

I love my life :)

Two

I usually have wine with dinner.

I don't consider myself a wine snob or a connoisseur or anything, I just like to drink.

However, that is not to say that I don't know my way around a wine list.

When I am in the Bay area (usually for work) I like to let my server pick the wine for me. I do this for several reasons. First, their job requires that they be at least semi knowledgeable about wine, especially the good local vintages that may not make it to my town but are abundant in that part of the world. And second, if the server is female and cute it is a lame way to start a comfortable conversation and keep it going throughout the meal.

Sam (Samantha) fit the bill. In fact she was way to cute for me. I generally do OK with women thanks to my ability to hold an intelligent conversation, but I am no Adonis.  Also, it probably doesn't hurt that I wear a suit and am not fat.

Sam on the other hand was stunning. She had one of those ageless faces that always looks like it is on the verge of breaking into a smile. For the life of me I couldn't discern whether she was 22 or 42.

No matter. She brought me a really great Cabernet from a vineyard I knew for their Merlot but nothing more. It was spectacular and I told her as much.

The rest of the meal passed much the way all meals do. Eating. Drinking. Flirting with the wait staff.

When my check came though, my night took a detour.

On my copy of the receipt Sam had scrawled her phone number and a brief note suggesting that I call her sometime.  I was a bit disappointed as I was there for work. So as I got up to leave I sought her out, thanked her, and told her I was only in town for a few days.

To my surprise she said she figured as much and asked if I wanted to get a drink the following evening. How could I say no? I left her my card and told her to call me the following day.

One

Hanna doesn't stick out in a crowd; she is not a siren calling each passerby to his doom.

She is the type of woman you interact with regularly but don't notice until it becomes embarrassing that you always forget her name.

She is petite but not small. She is in good shape but not athletic. She wears very little makeup but has nice skin.

Hanna is a nice young woman.

She favors nondescript blouses but leaves one more button than necessary unfastened. She chooses sensible shoes but likes more heel than her cube-dwelling bourgeois counterparts.  She stands close enough to you in conversation that you notice her fragrance, the curve of her breast, and the lacy outline of her bra pressing against thin fabric.

In fact she seems to know just how close to get so that your desire to pull her closer is bubbling but not boiling over.

Hanna is a merciless young woman.

It is no surprise then that over time the tension between us built to the point where I could practically feel the outline of her body under my eager hands and taste her skin on my lips.

And on an occasion when work required travel to some desolate bastion of capitalism, I dared to let the lust control me for a night. Too much red wine and too many fleeting glimpses of all the desirable places hidden around a woman's body.  It was more than this man could stand!

There is something magical about a lust that understands the need for privacy but takes full advantage of brief moments in elevators and the seconds lost around corners.  A lust that ends with a workaday suit in a pile on the floor and a fashionable skirt twisted around Hanna's tummy.

A lust that leaves you panting and yearning for more.